


The Guy With the Gun

by BrodyYoMama



Series: The trio get sent to hell. [1]
Category: Blood - Fandom, Blood/Hazbin Hotel, Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Death, I’m doing 3 of these, Weapons, blood (1997), guns n shit, not very good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25103749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrodyYoMama/pseuds/BrodyYoMama
Summary: Caleb gets sent to hell for a reason he’s yet to find out. He decides to settle at the Hazbin Hotel, where he meets friends, and an old enemy later on.Warning! This is terrible. I’m going to rewrite it eventually, but for now it’s not very good.And Mike I know you’re probably seeing this. Yeah, it’s me. Never mention this to anybody. This is personal business. Thanks!
Series: The trio get sent to hell. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1818163
Kudos: 3





	1. Pitiful.

"No one wants to play with me..." Caleb spoke. The demon in front of him shivered. "Except you."

Caleb loaded his shotgun. The Demon promptly pissed himself and dropped his tiny pistol. He got down on his knees and begged.

"Please, don't hurt me!"

"Pitiful." Caleb thought. He shot the poor bastard in the head, spraying the walls with his blood.

"Become stronger.. never fall to your knees and beg." Caleb said, and tipped his hat.

Caleb was in Hell. How? He didn't know. Last he recalled he was still... kinda alive. 

Although, the Demons here weren't anything like how his Pa said they would be, but he wouldn't complain. These ones had cognitive function, and didn't throw dynamite at you.

Caleb took it as it was; a blessing. Why someone would bless him, he wouldn't know. After all.. he was the last person deserving of a blessing.

Caleb walked the streets of Hell, scaring off anybody he walked near. He had an aura of sheer power around him that nobody dared to challenge.

The area of Hell he was in wasn't ideal, but it was a city. There was dirt, grime and graffiti on every wall. There was a looming sense of dread and danger, and his gut constantly told him to get the hell out of dodge. But he stopped listening to his gut long ago.

The stench was awful. It smelt like sulfur and napalm, with hints of shit, piss, and marijuana.

Homeless demons lined almost every alleyway. It really was a horrible place. But he didn't care.

After walking for a while, he stopped at a large building.

"Hazbin Hotel.. what a stupid name. But.. it will suffice for the time being.." He spoke in his creepy-ass drawl.

He knocked thrice on the door.

Nothing.

He knocked two more times.

After 2 minutes of waiting, he got rather impatient.

"What the hell kind of way is this to treat guests..?" 

He was getting antsy. 

Nobody had tried to kill him for 14 minutes and it was getting under his skin. He was used to having to be constantly on-guard and vigilant, lighter at the ready, just in case dynamite was needed. He always needed a hand in his ammo pocket, always needed to look out for keys.

But this.. this was rather nice. How ironic.

Hell, the one place that's always been said to be downright awful, has been the most kind to him. Gives you perspective on just how fucked his life has become since he met Ophelia.

But he wouldn't trade meeting her for anything.

The door finally opened. A white-skinned lady with pink cheeks stood there, looking terrified.

"Hello... my name is Caleb Monolith." He held out his hand. The lady took his hand and shook it slowly. 

Caleb noticed her situation, and decided to clarify.

"I am not here to cause harm." 

The lady sighed in relief.

"My name is Charlie! Nice to meet you, Caleb." 

Caleb nodded.

They stood there.

"So.."

"Ah, Yes! Would you like to stay at our hotel?" Charlie asked. Caleb nodded.

"Great!" Charlie led him inside, and over to a receptionist table.

"Here is your key. Room 43, floor 3. The elevator is down that hallway, first door on the right." Charlie handed him his key. Caleb took it, and nodded at Charlie. He left the room.

"Was that a human?" Husk asked.

"Don't think so. Humans don't have glowing red eyes. He really got unlucky with his demon form, huh? He looks Amish." Angel spoke up from a nearby piece of furniture, and snickered at his own jab.

"Yeah, that makes sense." Husk said, and took a sip of beer. "It's Hell. Why do I even question anything.." He muttered to himself.

Caleb walked through the halls, and came across a red demon.

"Well! Greetings, my friend! Hey, you look down! Get a smile on your face, you're never fully dressed without one! My name is Alastor, what's yours?"

Caleb ignored him.

"Hey! I'm talking to you-"

Alastor was cut off by the fact that a double barrel was aimed at his head.

"I don't wanna talk to you." Caleb said simply.

Alastor smiled more. "I can see I'm not welcome here! Have a good day, sir!"

Caleb turned around and walked off.

He opened the elevator, walked inside, and pressed the button that had a '3' next to it. As it should, it went upwards.

He stepped out of the elevator and walked to his room. He pulled out his dynamite and lighter. When he opened the door, he almost lit the bundle, before realizing he was being an idiot.

He walked inside the room.

It was clean. It was nice. Cultists weren't at every corner, and no butchers were throwing cleavers. He sat down on the bed, and for the first time in a long time, he relaxed his shoulders.

He fell onto the bed, feeling himself sink in slightly. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

He closed his eyes, and fell asleep quickly.


	2. Hot water?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb finds the shower. Being from 1876, he’s not used to hot water.

When Caleb awoke, he noticed he was not in a location he recognized. He was in a nice hotel, rather than a dingy cave or castle.

He immediately reached for his double-barrel, only to find it wasn't there. He reached for his tommy gun. Nothing. No pitchfork, either. All his weapons were gone.

Instead of panicking, he was angry. Some bastard cultist put him in this nice hotel to freak him out, and stole his weapons. Well it wouldn't work.

Not on Caleb. 

He immediately lost any sense of confusion, though, when he saw a red cyclops rubbing a rag on his napalm launcher. Next to her were two piles of guns. One pile looked good as new, while the other pile looked gross in comparison. Even though the confusion of where they were was erased, a new level of confusion arose.

This cyclops was cleaning his guns! Why?

"Who the hell are you?" Caleb asked.

The cyclops looked up.

"Oh! Hello! I'm Niffty! It's always nice to make new friends- GASP you're a man! I haven't seen a man in a reallylongtimealthoughIdoseeAlastorbut-"

Caleb held up a hand. "Stop."

Niffty shut up right quick.

"Why are you cleaning my guns, kid? Put ‘em down, you can hurt yourself."

"Oh! I just can't stand anything messy. And I’m not a kid! I’m 22! But, I hope you don't mind that I’m cleaning them." She replied.

Of course not. He actually really appreciated it. But she was 22?! He didn’t believe it. But he also didn’t really care.

"No. I don't mind... Thank you."

Niffty nodded, and went back to cleaning.

"Did you take out the ammo?" He asked. She nodded.

"It's right over there. The gasoline is in those cups, while the bullets are all in separate piles." Niffty explained, pointing to a pile filled with red solo cups, and many, many bullets.

"Good.. Don't want an accident to happen." 

Niffty nodded.

Caleb stood up, stretched, and walked to the bathroom. He needed a bath. Bad.

He stepped into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He set his hat on the counter and looked in the mirror.

"Look at you... red eyes, empty expression.. you're hardly human." He thought to himself.

He shook his head, and took off his jacket. He unbuttoned his shirt, and removed that too. He removed his pants and underwear, and then looked at the bathtub.

It.. had a shower? There were showers in homes now?

And it certainly didn't look like any shower he had ever seen. But what can he say, this is definitely not 1872. When did he wake up, the 1920s? Stuff changed, he guessed.

Two knobs. One had an H, one had a C. Hot and cold respectively, he thought. Looks like showers and baths could have warm water!

He turned the 'Hot' knob. Water instantly came out, and he jumped back.

He touched his hand to it. Bullshit! It was cold!

Oh.. wait.. no, it's getting warmer.

Too hot!

He turned the 'Cold' knob, to hopefully balance it out. After a little bit more of working, he got it to a good temperature.

He stepped into the shower and felt the water soak his body. It washed off all the dirt and grime, and the literal dirt on his body.

Turns out, sleeping in a grave for a few decades doesn't signify cleanliness. 

He grabbed a bottle that said 'Body wash.' Liquid soap, it seemed. 

Once he finished washing his body, he grabbed the other bottle, which said 'Shampoo.'

What the hell is shampoo? It said two in one, with conditioner. Which just confused him further. He flipped it around and read the instructions.

"Put into hand, and lather into hair." He read out loud to himself.

Soap... for your hair?!!?

The future was incredible! 

He put a dollop into his hands, but was instantly caught off guard by the feeling of someone touching him. He turned around. He was alone.

What could be causing this, he thought, until he remembered that Niffty was cleaning his weapons. 

His voodoo doll, of course. 

When he isn't looking at someone, it becomes a voodoo doll of himself.

Niffty was uh... really getting in there with the cleaning. He felt incredibly uncomfortable. It didn't hurt, but he did NOT like it.

Eventually, she did stop. 

Caleb put the shampoo into his hair.

Caleb put on his hat and stepped out of the bathroom. Niffty was no longer in the room, and he went over to the pile of guns and ammo.

He loaded himself up, and opened the door to his room. He walked outside and to the elevator.

He went down to the lobby and over to the bar. The cat guy was sleeping.

"Excuse me." Caleb asked, to get Husk's attention. One of his eyes snapped open.

"Eh- What? What do you want, Cowboy?" Husky asked, rubbing his eyes.

Caleb clenched his fist.

"Do not call me Cowboy... anyway, is there any form of breakfast at this hotel?" Caleb asked. Husk shook his head.

"Sorry guy. No breakfast here. There is a kitchen, though, where you can make yourself breakfast." Husk spoke in a monotone voice. Caleb nodded, and waited.

Husk sighed. "It's in that room." He pointed to nearby door. Caleb nodded and walked away.

He opened the door to find that it was completely devoid of people. Perfect.

There was a fridge in the corner, and a stove nearby. He opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of eggs.

He grabbed a pan from a nearby cupboard and put it on the stove. Turning it on, he grabbed a nearby egg and cracked it into the pan.

Repeating this process 2 more times, he now had 3 cooked eggs, sunny side up. 

He grabbed a knife and fork, and sat down at the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based and bloodpilled


	3. Just a Pinch of Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel causes problems, as usual.

"Come on toots. I'll make it worth your while.." Angel said, fluffing up his non-existent cleavage. 

"No." Caleb replied. This girl just would not leave him the hell alone, and he was this close to pulling out his boom-stick and shooting her in the head. "For the last time, I am not going to give you my napalm launcher."

"Come oooonnn... I just wanna go have some fun with-!" Caleb grabbed his neck.

"For the last time.. that weapon.. is NOT. A. TOY. It can cause serious damage. I'm all for going out and indulging in your desires, but the napalm launcher is no dice! It can kill you, AND your dumbass friends." Caleb growled. 

He would love to see this girl dead, face blown in and melted by napalm, but that would put a whole thing on his hands because the people at this hotel like her and blah blah.

He didn't feel like putting a target on his back at the moment. He released Angel's neck, and he took in plenty of deep breaths.

"Sigh.. fine." He replied. Caleb nodded, and smiled.

"Now... go have fun." Caleb handed him a bundle of dynamite. 

What? Everyone knew how to play with dynamite, and the proper precautions to take. And Caleb was always up for a little chaos.

Angel's eyes sparkled like a kid on Christmas. She took the dynamite, kissed Caleb on the cheek, and ran off. 

Caleb wiped his cheek. "I hope she never does that ever again."

"Who? And what?" Charlie asked, walking into the room.

"Angel.. she just kissed my cheek." Caleb replied.

"She? Angel is a guy." Charlie said.

Caleb felt his world shatter. Angel was a homosexual?

Look, despite the time period Caleb comes from, he's not actually homophobic. After all, Gabriel, one of his best friends, was a homosexual.

Speaking of Gabriel.. he still felt bad for killing him. But it was the only way to become strong enough to beat Tchernobog.

Hopefully, in the afterlife, Gabriel understands.

"Wait.. afterlife!" Caleb shouted. Charlie was momentarily frightened at the outburst. Caleb coughed into his hand. "Sorry about that... but, I might be able to see Ophelia.. and Gabriel and Ishmael again.. Tell me, do you know anybody by those names?"

Charlie shook her head. "No. But my Dad probably does!" She pulled out her phone. Caleb was completely confused as to what it was, but he hoped it was a communications device.

She pressed the box a few times, and held it to her ear. Is it a telephone?

A few seconds passed, and her smile slowly faded.

"Hey, Dad! Look.. uh, this is kind of an emergency, so.. please call me back soon! Love you."

Charlie looked at Caleb, remorse in her eyes.

Caleb snatched the phone. 

"Hey!"

"Listen here you son of a bitch.. you better call back. Immediately. I have the chance to see my lover, and my friends that were taken from me and killed. If you don't tell me where they are, then I will personally come and pay you a visit... some napalm might like to make its acquaintance with you!" Caleb yelled. He handed the device back to Charlie.

Charlie looked at him, eyes fearful. "Caleb.. you just threatened Lucifer.." Charlie said.

Caleb's eyes widened. But he quickly realized just how little of a shit he gave.

"I don't care.. I killed an ancient god, along with all of his minions.. I killed Cerberus.. I can take your bastard father." Caleb spoke with an edge. He walked away, and back to his room.

He needed to calm down a little.

Caleb woke up to knocking on his door. Groaning in annoyance, he sat up and rubbed the gunk out of his eyes.

He threw open the door. "What?" He growled.

Vaggie was at the door. "Come downstairs. Now."

"No." Caleb replied. Vaggie grabbed his ear and dragged him out. She was surprisingly strong.

Caleb tried his hardest to get out of her grasp, but he felt that by doing that he would just rip off his own ear. Vaggie allowed him to stand up and follow, her hand still on his ear.

"Sit." Vaggie said, and threw him on the couch in the lobby. She grabbed the television remote, and turned it on.

The news was on. Caleb was busy gawking at this device. It was... people inside of a box.

"Hello, Channel 666! I'm Katie Killjoy.."

"And I'm Tom Trench!"

"Today, we've got some big trouble in little Pentagram. Renowned Adult Film Star actor Angel Dust has been seen throwing DYNAMITE at things! Where on earth did he get dynamite?! Roll the clip!"

It cut to videos of Angel Dust throwing dynamite at buildings, children, other demons, and just generally being a nuisance to the public. 

Caleb chuckled, and Vaggie slapped him for it. Caleb held his cheek.

"You bitch!" Caleb yelled.

"No! I know you gave him that dynamite, Caleb! Can't you see what you caused?!" Vaggie yelled. "This Hotel is supposed to be for rehabilitating demons, not room and board! If you're not willing to be better, I'm kicking your ass out! Charlie is up in her room crying right now, because she just saw Children being killed on live television. And guess what?! They're dying because of YOU!"

Caleb actually felt bad. Yeah, I know! Caleb! The gunslinging, cultist-killing, nihilistic bastard that he was, FELT BAD! He just wanted to see a little chaos, not the death of children. And he didn't want a friend to cry, either. 

Yeah, friend.

"I.. apologize." Caleb said. Wow, that felt wrong coming from his mouth.

"Don't apologize to me! Apologize to Charlie!" Vaggie yelled in annoyance.

"Okay! Where's her room, then!?" He yelled back.

"Second floor! Room 2!"

Caleb stood up and walked to the elevator.

Wait, was he really doing this?


	4. Give Me Your Weapons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie’s mad.

Caleb knocked on Charlie's door.

"G-Go away!" He heard from inside. She really had been crying.

Aw, man..

He knocked again.

"Leave me alone!"

"Charlie, it's Caleb!" He yelled out. He heard shuffling, and the door unlocked. It swung open, and Charlie stood there, eyes red.

"What do you want?" She asked. Caleb scratched his neck.

"Look... I.. I apologize."

"Apologize for what?" Charlie asked, tapping her foot on the ground.

"For uh.. giving Angel dynamite.." He muttered.

"So, you know how bad an idea THAT WAS?" Her voice was rising.

"Yes."

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!" Charlie yelled. "Hundreds of innocent people are dying! Have died! The residents of hell can revive, but NOBODY WANTS TO DIE!"

Charlie sat down.

"Give me your weapons."

"What?!" Caleb yelled incredulously.

"I can't trust you with them anymore. Hand them over." Charlie stayed strong, and stood firm.

"And if I don't?" He asked.

"Then I will kick you out, and you will have nowhere to live." Charlie responded.

She wouldn't.

"I refuse." Caleb responded.

Charlie narrowed her eyes. She was fuming. He dared to.. disobey her like this?

Without her knowing, she grew horns. Her eyes turned blood red. She gained a few feet, and her fingers were now long claws. Her voice deepened.

She had turned into her demon form.

Caleb stared, unable to process this. 

"LEAVE MY HOTEL! YOU CHILDISH, INSOLENT, BRUTISH APE!!" Charlie yelled at Caleb.

Caleb was not scared. He had seen scarier, and lived to tell the tale. He didn't want to make Charlie angrier, so he reluctantly went for his belt.

He removed his shotgun, flare pistol, tommy gun, tesla cannon, napalm launcher, his dynamite, his lighter, his voodoo doll, his life-leech, his proximity mines, and his remote bombs. He held on to his pitchfork. He would never give up the pitchfork.

"Pitchfork." Charlie spoke.

Caleb shook his head. "This was my dad's pitchfork. It's the only thing I have left to remember him with."

It wasn't a good lie, but it apparently worked. Charlie nodded.

Caleb turned around, and left. 

"Our sessions are going to be longer from now on." Charlie said, slowly turning back into her normal self. Caleb nodded.

He felt like a child that was caught stealing from the cookie jar.

"We will find Caleb.. and we will make him pay."

"How are we going to find him?"

"With this!" The person pulled out a book, and opened to a certain page. "This is a locator spell. It can locate any organic life, as long as you have some of their life-force. Blood, hair, etc."

"Well, we have plenty of blood. After all, we did attack him multiple times."

"Bring me some."

The person came back later, hands covered in dry blood.

"I found a big puddle and just soaked my hands in it."

"Very good. Thank you." The leader took the persons hand to a sink, and put a cup underneath his hands. They washed the blood off and into the cup, where there was now traces of blood in it.

The people set up the rune, and the leader put the cup in the middle.

They cast the spell, and a portal opened. Inside, it seemed to be a hotel bedroom.

"Perfect..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joe-Bama
> 
> A/N:
> 
> Charlie's demon form is different than it is in the pilot. I went freelance there, because I didn't watch every demon has a rainbow in them or whatever the song was called. I didn't watch the fight with Katie Killjoy (because that's apparently when she went demon form.) 
> 
> so just ignore that part, Kay? Thanks.


	5. Going Down the Fast Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotel under attack, Caleb has to be a hero now.

Caleb walked down the street, mumbling to himself.

"Stole all my weapons.. I swear to Tchernobog.." He was pissed, and rightfully so. Although, he knew why she had done it. 

She wanted demons to be redeemed, and giving them dynamite definitely didn't help with redeeming them. He had.. gotten in the way of her dream.

Well he felt like an ass.

But all thoughts were suddenly banished when he walked by a store that had television sets inside.

"Hello, Channel 666! I'm Katie Killjoy!"

"And I'm Tom Trench!"

"Today, we have a story for you! As it turns out, the Happy Hotel, renamed 'Hazbin Hotel' is currently under control by an unknown party. Anyone walking by has been shot by a shotgun. And- This just in! The demons in control seem to be leaving the building! They're holding up signs. 'We have the princess!' One sign says. Well! It seems that-"

That was all Caleb needed to hear before he took off in the direction of the Hotel.

"Those bastards came here too... They just don't know when to stay dead, do they?" Caleb chuckled. Until he remembered that, again, the hotel was under their control. They had Charlie, and most likely the others too.

They had taken his friends hostage.

They...

They're going to pay.. with their blood.

Earlier...

Charlie sat on her bed, on the verge of tears. She had done it again. She let her emotions get the better of her, and she messed something up. 

Caleb probably hated her now. He would never come back to the hotel. And if he did, he would never want to see her again. 

She had been a total bitch.

Just then, a portal opened up in her room.

Charlie stared. It was clearly only one way, as she couldn't see through it. She wondered who had done this. Maybe it was Alastor playing a prank? Maybe it was her Dad coming to visit?

What she saw coming out of it was neither of those things. It was a bunch of robed figures.

Tan hoods, gray hoods, green hoods and blue hoods. Gargoyles. Orange dogs. A giant spider. Tiny, walking hands.

"Where... is Caleb Monolith?" One of the green cultists asked.

Charlie was frozen.

"Spit it out!" A tan one yelled, and pointed a shotgun at her. It looked exactly like Caleb's shotgun.

"I.. I don't-"

"Great. Boys, grab her!" The green one yelled. They all ran towards her. She turned into her demon form to try and stop them, but they were able to quickly overpower her.

They tied her up.

"Bring her to the penthouse. And break the elevators! If Caleb comes to save his little girlfriend, he'll have to go through all of us!"

"Yes boss!"

They carried her away.

Charlie thought she could be smart and change back into her normal form, but one of the cultists saw.

"Do that.. and I'll blow ya' brains out!" They held a shotgun to her head. She quickly went back into full demon form, and they continued on.

She was fucked.


	6. I Like my Hands Bloody..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe Biden

"Boss! He's coming!"

"Good. Let him."

Caleb kicked down the front door to the hotel, pitchfork in hand.

"Let's go.." He said in his dark tone.

Zombies rose from the ground, and walked towards him. They swung the axe, he stabbed with the pitchfork. Two more stabs and they fell. 

"I like my hands bloody.."

He dealt with the other zombies, and looked around the lobby. He spotted his dynamite and lighter.

Running over to it, he packed his belt full of dynamite. He pulled out his lighter and a bundle.

Then he put them away. No. He couldn't cause damage to the hotel. No explosives.

He jumped over Husk's bar, and searched for something. Anything.

Nothing useful.

He walked to the elevator. The buttons had been removed from the wall. Groaning, he forced the doors open and stepped inside. The buttons on the inside were missing too.

He would have to take the stairs, wouldn't he? Tchernobog damn it.

He walked down the hall to the stairs. Opening the supply closet, he looked around the corner. A tan cultist was inside.

He ran inside and ducked down, dodging his shotgun shot. He stood up and stabbed the bastard right in the eyes. He screamed and died.

Caleb picked up his shotgun, and searched his body for any extra shells. He found 4. It would do. The barrel has one shell loaded, so he would wait to reload it.

He opened the door to the stairs. Caleb instantly shot the cultist that was behind the door. He laughed.

"That felt great!" He yelled out in joy. It had been a while. He reloaded the shotgun, and checked the cultist for any extra shells. He found 2 more, plus the 2 that were in his gun.

He walked up the stairs, stepping on a hand that tried to grab him. Successfully immobilized, he was able to shoot it.

He looked for another set of stairs to go up, but found that there weren't another set.

"Don't tell me.."

They were on the other side of the floor, weren't they?

"What a useless set of stairs! How is somebody going to escape in an emergency- oh wait we're in Hell.." He realized. Fire wouldn't be an emergency. They probably bathe in fire.

He opened the door, and again, shot a cultist that showed himself. He reloaded his gun, and stole the ammo from the body.

He looked around the corner. 3 more cultists, one gray. The gray ones had tommy guns. He could use one of those.

He jumped out of the corner and took a shot at the first cultist. He took his second shot at the gray one. Reloading, he took two more shots, one directed at the gray one and another at the one he didn't hit the first time. He reloaded once more, by not before he was hit by some tommy gun bullets, and he finished off the gray one and the first one.

He reloaded, and shot the final cultist. 

He stole the gray one's tommy, and the ammo from each cultist. He walked back to the start of the hall, and opened the first door.

Shooting the one cultist inside, he looked for any sign of life.

"Charlie?" He called out. Guess she wasn't in here. But there was a Doctor's bag!

Grabbing it, he patched up his gunshot wounds. He put the remaining supplies back in the box, and saved it for later.

He left the room, and went into the next one. Two zombies arose, and he dealt with them quickly.

"Charlie?" He called out. Nothing, as he suspected.

He did this a few more times, until he got to the final door of the hallway. Opening it, he wasn't fast enough with his reflexes. A gargoyle flew at him and took him down, knocking the boom-stick out of his hands. 

Caleb held it off with one arm, and reached for his gun with the other. The gargoyle pushed more on him, and it was getting harder and harder to hold him off. Straining his muscles, he stuck a finger in a barrel of the gun. He quickly pulled the finger out while applying pressure, and it moved a little closer. He did it again, and it once again got closer. It was finally in arms reach.

He grabbed the gun, and hit the gargoyle in the head with butt end. The gargoyle was stunned, and Caleb pushed it off of him. He quickly stood up. 

"I'm not dead... yet."

The gargoyle growled and flew at him again. 

He fired once, twice. Reload. Fire, fire. Reload. Fire, fire. Reload. Fire.

It collapsed, dead. 

Caleb took a breath. That was kinda tough. But he could handle it.

He walked to the set of doors that lead to the next set of stairs.

Opening it, he shot the gray cultist that stood behind the door. He walked up the steps to the third floor.


	7. Kuso!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah shit

"You'll never get away with this! Caleb is gonna come and-" The cultist leader slapped Angel.

"Shut up, bitch! When Caleb comes, we'll dispatch of him easily. You are merely a pawn in our revenge story." He explained. Angel growled.

"Hurry up, Man!" Angel thought.

Caleb opened the door slowly. He ducked under a shotgun blast, and fired his own. Looks like this hallway only had one cultist, which is good.

He didn't pick up the aerosol can that was by the door. Again, he didn't want to cause any more damage than what was necessary, and that included setting things on fire.

He opened the first door, and narrowly dodged a cleaver. Bloated Butchers already? Damn, he kinda wished he didn't care about the hotel.

He shot at it, reloaded, and fired two more shots. The butcher fell to the floor.

He looked around for Charlie. While he didn't find her, he did find somebody else. Somebody who was hiding in a vent.

"Caleb!" Niffty called out. Caleb looked around, confused. "Up here, dummy!" Niffty giggled.

She jumped out of the vent.

"Niffty.. Are you okay?" Caleb asked. Niffty nodded.

"Yeah. Are you?"

"Probably. Look... I need you to be my spy. Think you could do that?" Caleb asked. "I need you to crawl around the vents, find where everyone else is.."

Niffty gave him a thumbs-up.

"Got it!" She said, and jumped back into the vent. "I won't let you down!"

"Shh! Don't let them know you're coming!" Caleb scolded.

"Sorry!" Niffty whisper-yelled.

"No worries. Good luck."

Caleb left the room.

Opening the next room, he killed another butcher. 

He saw it. Two guns, sitting on the floor. He picked both up.

"I've got two guns.. that should be enough for all of 'ya."

Over in the corner, he spotted a flare gun.

"Okay.. looks like I'll have to be extra careful with this baby..." Caleb thought out loud.

Caleb went into the next room, and gave the weapon a test shot. He fired two flares at the two butchers in the room. They both caught on fire and burned to death.

He stamped out the remaining fire.

He ran into the next room, guns akimbo on his shotgun. He fired multiple rounds into everyone in the room, and reloaded. He did it once more.

"Hahhahahaha!!"

Niffty crawled around the vent, occasionally cleaning it. She couldn't stand messy things, hopefully Caleb would understand. 

She was on the highest floor now, having gone through the entire vent system quite fast. She was in the penthouse, and she heard voices nearby.

Crawling to an opening, she saw it. Angel, some other demon that vaguely reminded her of Charlie, Vaggie, and Husk, all of them tied up. There were cultists, butchers, and even a giant gargoyle around the room's perimeter.

She crawled away quickly, to report her findings. But she crawled over the wrong spot.

She fell through, landing right on a cultist.

They all aimed their guns at her.

"Niffty!" Husk yelled.

"State your name!" One yelled.

"Uh.. Mōshiwakearimasenga, eigo wa hanasemasen." Niffty said, thinking quickly.

"Shinpai nai. Anata no namae o nobe nasai." One of the cultists said. 

"Kuso!"

Caleb opened up the final door of the hall, and wasn't surprised when TWO gargoyles attacked him.

"How original." He said, and blasted them with the spread shot on the flair gun. They both caught fire, and burned to death. "Give me a challenge.."

He looked around the room, once again finding nobody. Or anything useful.

"Come on.. at least give me another doctor's bag, or maybe some shells.. those tan cultists are showing up less and less.." He said, and went to the stair doors.

He kicked it open and blasted the green cultist that stood behind the door. He walked up the steps to the fourth floor.


	8. Gargoyles!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chocolate with nuts

"Aha!" Caleb exclaimed as he found a voodoo doll. Yes! These were really useful against the gargoyles!

He put it away. Better not waste it on the cultists.

He blasted a green one's head off, and fired a flare at a zombie. Zombie caught fire, he stamped it out.

Someone ran a claw down his back.

He turned around, and saw that a gargoyle was in the room. How he had not noticed it before, he doesn't know. Biut either way, he filled the thing full of lead.

He left the room and went to the next one. This time, there were those walking fish guys. There's no water nearby, why are they here?

"Strangers in the night.. exchanging glances.." He sung out loud.

But more importantly: where's Niffty? Caleb felt like she would have been back by now. So either she couldn't find him, hadn't gotten there yet, or she was captured. He was really hoping it wasn't the third one.

Even though he hadn't known these people for long, he felt close to them. He didn't want harm to come to them.

But he did want harm to come to these hellhounds! God damn it, he hadn't found a tesla cannon yet!

Why did Charlie have to take his guns...

They had tied up Niffty. 

"Niffty, were you trying to save us?" Vaggie asked. Niffty shook her head.

"I wasn't at the moment, no. I needed to tell Caleb where you were." She replied. Charlie's eyes widened.

"You know where Caleb is?!" She yelled.

"Uh, Yeah. He's in the hotel, fighting cultists."

He.. he came back? Caleb came back to save them? He didn't hate Charlie..

He cared! He cared enough to come back and try to save them!

But.. how were they going to get out of this if Caleb failed? Would the cultists just kill them? Would they leave? Nope! Have confidence! Caleb can do it!

Caleb didn't feel like he could do it.

He had run out of ammo, so he was currently pitch-forking a copy of Cheogh. If he crouched, Cheogh couldn't attack him, so he just poked it occasionally. 

Eventually, he got the final hit. Cheogh crumbled.

Caleb looked around for any ammo. He found a box of shells, and that was it.

He loaded his shotgun, and kicked open the door to the next stairway, blasting the blue cultist in the face.

"It's all in the reflexes..."

He stole his tesla cannon and all the ammo.

He walked up the steps to the fifth floor.


	9. Army of Darkness...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah shit Caleb’s quoting horror movies that don’t exist yet

Caleb opened up the door to the 5th floor, and stopped. He looked around the corner.

It was infested. Spiders, everywhere. The hallways were coated in cobwebs.

"I'm gonna paint the town... green!" He said. He stepped on a red spider.

He walked into the first room. Just a bunch of relatively-large spiders. He stepped on them, but was weary of the cobwebs. He touched one on accident and shivered.

He wasn't arachnophobic, but he didn't like spiders. They were gross little creatures.

He grabbed a nearby doctor's bag and walked to the next room. More spiders. He stepped on them.

More and more stepping later, he arrived at the last door. He opened it up, and as expected, Shial was inside.

"Hey, Shi-Bitch!" He pulled out his tommy gun. "Let's go."

She roared, and charged. Caleb fired with his tommy gun, but she wouldn't let up. She was a bullet sponge.

He resorted to his shotgun when he ran out of tommy gun bullets, and killed her quickly with that.

He stepped out of the room, and walked to the door.

"I'm just glad I don't have to get any keys." He muttered.

He tried to open the door.

Locked.

He looked next to the door. An eyeball symbol.

"Bastards."

Vaggie was standing on Angel's shoulders. She had her head in the vent.

"What do I say?" She asked.

"Tell him we're in the penthouse." Niffty whispered. Vaggie nodded.

"CALEB! WE'RE IN THE PENTHOUSE! COME QUICK!!" They immediately fell off of each other.

"Hey!" The cultists yelled. They aimed their guns at the group.

"Now.. we won't kill you, because we need you. But.. I guess it wouldn't hurt to remove one of you from the picture." The leader said. They all froze up.

"Now.. who?"

The leader closed his eyes and spun around. He pointed his finger in a random direction and walked forward.

His finger touched Husk.

"Ah! Guess we'll kill you, then. Horace!"

"Boss!"

"Kill the cat."

"Yes boss!" 'Horace' walked up to 'the cat', and held his gun to Husk's head.

"Sorry man." The cultist said, and was about to pull the trigger when suddenly, he was shot in the head!

"Here's.. Johnny." Caleb said, standing at the door, tommy gun in hand. It was smoking.

"Caleb! How did you get past our defenses!" The leader yelled.

"You kidding? Your shitty defenses stood no chance..." Caleb said, and pointed the gun at him.

"I take it you're the leader?" He asked. The leader nodded.

"Yup... and I'm not going down easy." He said. He pulled out something Caleb didn't expect to see: His Life Leech.

"How-"

"Oh.. yes. One of your friends over there kindly let us borrow your arsenal. I've got a voodoo doll.. a napalm launcher.. all the good stuff."

Caleb growled.

"Guess I'll just have to kick your ass even harder.."

"Try it."

The leader hit something on the table, and Caleb was teleported away, along with the leader.

Where to?

Tchernobog's lair.


	10. Follow the Leader.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb fights the big boy

"What.. what are we doing back here?" Caleb asked.

"This.. this is where you betrayed us. Killed our master. Well.. this place won't be used for only one death!" The leader fired a napalm shot at Caleb.

He jumped and rolled out of the way. It blew up behind him. 

Caleb pulled out his flare pistol, but he felt a sharp pain in his chest. Ignoring it, he fired the secondary shot twice. He hit one, but missed the other. The leader pulled out his dynamite, and lit a bundle.

He tossed it at Caleb. He easily dodged.

Caleb took out his own dynamite, and lit the bundle. He threw it where he anticipated the leader would run.

And he did. Caleb hit him dead on.

Landing on his back, the leader yelped in pain, but he stood back up. The leader pulled out his tommy gun, and held the trigger. Caleb ran along the walls, dodging almost every shot. Until he was tricked, and got multiple bullets in his side for his troubles.

"Hahaha!" The leader laughed at his pain. Caleb stood back up.

"Mirror marks this, asshole.." Caleb said, and pulled out his voodoo doll. He stabbed it in the dick. 

The leader fell to the floor, screaming in pain. Caleb laughed, and stood up.

"Pay attention Son.. this is for your own good." Caleb said, and pulled out his own tesla cannon. He fired multiple shots directly at the man on the floor.

When he ran out, he put it back on his belt. He inconspicuously tossed something onto the leader.

Somehow.. the leader stood back up. He popped something into his mouth and suddenly looked good as new.

"A life seed... son of a bitch." Caleb muttered.

The leader pulled out the life leech, and fired it. Caleb dodged, but was hit on his legs. He couldn't stand up.

"I believe.. this is where it ends, friend." The leader said. Caleb smiled, and started chuckling.

"You just don't get it, do you?" Caleb asked.

"What?!"

"You can't kill someone who's already dead.." Caleb said, and pressed the button on the remote detonator.

"WHA-!" The man exploded, showering the surrounding area in gore. 

Caleb lay on the floor, reaching for his doctor's bag. He pulled it up, and started to slowly patch his wounds. He drank the bottle of water that was included.

"Mmmm... better than Kool-Aid.." He whispered. That was incredibly refreshing.

After a little bit of rest, he slowly stood back up. He looked at the body of the man.

"Good.. bad..." He fired his boom-stick into the air. "I'm the guy with the gun."

Then everything turned white.

"Is.. is he gone? Forever?" Angel asked. Where had Caleb even gone? Back to the human world? Or was he just.. vaporized?

She looked over at the others. Charlie was almost crying, Vaggie was trying not to cry, Niffty was crying, and Husk looked shocked. Caleb missing probably wasn't the reason.

It was probably because Husk had a fucking gun to his head. They all had guns pointed at their head more in the last hour than their entire time in hell. 

Although, Caleb missing probably was kind of a big deal. They didn't know him long, but the hotel and life itself would be pretty different without him.

Like it or not, he was part of the family.

Oh wait there he is.

"CALEB!" Everyone yelled. 

"Yeah, Yeah. I'm back. His ass is grass, don't worry..." Caleb said calmly. He walked over to them and untied all the ropes.

They all stretched their arms... and ran over to hug him.

"Oh Tchernobog damn it." Caleb whispered. He wasn't the biggest fan of hugs. 

"You.. you saved us!" Angel yelled. "Thank you... you're my hero now, big guy."

"I'm no hero." Caleb spoke with edge in his tone.

"Don't care." Angel replied.

Alastor then appeared, holding a coconut with a straw while wearing a Hawaiian shirt.

"Hey! What'd I miss-! Oh, you all look terrible."

"Fuck you too pal." Caleb said.


	11. Arbitrary Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue. Shoutouts to Simpleflips.

It had been 8 years since that fateful day. Angel reformed, but didn't want to leave his friends, so he stayed in hell.

Niffty and Caleb eventually got together, which was by far the strangest outcome, literally nobody expected it!

Caleb had a hard time moving on from Ophelia at first, but eventually.. he realized he had to get on with his life. He would always remember his first love, but she was long gone.

Lucifer did eventually get in contact with Caleb, but Ophelia, Gabriel, and Ishmael don't exist in this hell. Apparently, there's some alternate universe mumbo jumbo going on.

But Caleb didn't mind. 

He misses his friends, sure.. but now he's got new ones. And if he spends all his time in the past, then he won't have any time to live in the present.

"Rum and coke, hold the coke." He and Husk chuckled.

Husk eventually got together with Angel Dust. Some saw it happening, some didn't expect it. But what matters is that they're happy together.

"Rum and Coke, hold the rum." Charlie joked, sitting next to Caleb.

Charlie eventually got with Vaggie. Oh, wait. They were always together, weren't they? Well, they stayed together.

Alastor?

...we don't talk about Alastor.

The End!

**Author's Note:**

> Any and all writing tips are greatly appreciated.


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